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What does respect mean for you and your relationship?

Elvis Elvis

Does it mean that you have to fall at the feet of your man and do whatever he wants you to do?

Does it mean that you always have to agree with everything he says and does?

Does it mean that no matter what he does, you stay with him?

The answer to these questions is an unqualified NO.

And yet many women do all these things “for” their man, without once stumbling onto the thing that has real currency for men.

Respect.

Many women just can’t bring themselves to respect their man, because their standards were set so low when they met that they can’t see much to admire in him.

Believe me, you aren’t doing anybody any favors by leaving your standards low. You need to set your standards high so that you can admire and respect your man for a real reason, instead of making excuses for him the rest of your lives together.

What does respect mean for you and your relationship?

Be honest – if you met two men, and one was eager to date somebody, anybody, just so he could get his needs fulfilled, and the other was already fulfilling his own needs with a full and active life, who would be more interesting? Who would make a good date? Who could you spend your life with?

A lot of women choose a man who “needs” them. This is a mistake, honey. What real men really need is to exercise their inner hero. Lounging around being babied by women just doesn’t do a lot for their pride and self-esteem. Men need to get up, get out, and win something. Men need to show off and earn praise. I’m not kidding you. If men don’t do their genetically programmed breadwinning/competing/protecting stuff, they go haywire. They burn their energy doing stupid stuff, or they become passive-aggressive, or they get mean.

What does respect mean for you and your relationship?

The best way to treat a man is to let him be a man. Yes, the traditional, macho stereotype is still flattering to most men. Even the sensitive, creative, soft-spoken types like to think they can be your hero sometimes. Let a man know that you respect him, as an adult, as a male, as a person. Men like to be appreciated and noticed. And they are really crazy about being admired, not just for superficial qualities (although some men go to the gym just to get impressive muscles for you to admire), but also for things like intelligence, problem-solving skills, mechanical aptitude, leadership skills, and anything else you’d like. Good men really do aim to please, and that’s because they crave admiration.

Now, you may be thinking, “But I’m ‘just one of the guys,’” or, “They don’t act very respectful to each other when they’re hanging out.” Don’t be fooled by the way they treat each other. When men get together, they compete with each other – for the attention of the women. The kidding, casual put-downs, and teasing is the way men relate to each other. If a woman tries it, things get real uncomfortable quick. Men will tease each other because they know that even if they really meant it, it wouldn’t matter. But if a woman puts a man down, then that’s humiliating. That is the exact opposite of the admiration he wants.

If you want to make yourself attractive to a man, show that you admire him and hold him to a high standard. Expect the best treatment from him and notice when you get it. Pay attention to him and thank him when he does something for you – even if it wasn’t something you thought of. Respect is currency with men. Why do men open doors for women? Because it’s a sign of respect. Why do men check the oil in their girlfriend’s car? Because it shows their manly expertise and is a way to look after their girlfriend. They want respect for that.

Some men are, sadly, a little confused by what this means. For whatever reason, whether it was how they were raised, or a mental or emotional problem, or something else, they don’t understand what respect means.

Men who allow women to look after them perpetually (moochers) have a warped point of view. They can never be happy, because they are going against their own instincts. They aren’t happy with themselves, so they will never be happy with anyone or anything around them. The best thing to do for them is to kick them out and let them discover their manly pride – with a job. Angry men are paranoid about respect, and they have it confused with fear. They do their best to keep the women in their lives in a constant state of fear. They think that this will make them happy, and when it doesn’t, they blame the woman. There are women who are being verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by men who believe that fear and domination are normal in a relationship. They aren’t. And the men who think like this can’t be fixed – not by anything. Not by the woman becoming a complete doormat and racing to make sure that everything in her man’s life is perfect, not by counseling and anger management, and not by fighting back. Angry men are broken – permanently.

What does respect mean for you and your relationship?

Good men know what respect looks like, are attracted to it, and will do anything to keep it. You will also be happier when you are dating a man you can admire instead of one you are settling for. So if you’re with a man you really respect, you’ll have a long and happy relationship.