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Sex pain in a relationship is not normal

Elvis Elvis

Do you share the view that sex-pain is normal? How much do you and your spouse enjoy love-making? Do you associate sex with pain? How much do you understand and deal with sex in your relationship? It is becoming more widespread for lovers to feel that pain with sex is a symbol of love. However you need to realise that painful intercourse is not normal, but many women endure the pain believing that it is the way it is supposed to be.

Several men strongly believe that they must give women ‘the agony’ – to use the words of a popular dance hall tune – in order to satisfy their partners and prove themselves good lovers.

If you are experiencing sex-pain during intercourse, as a woman, but not uncommon for men, it is not a sexual shortcoming, but may be caused by physical or psychological problems. You need to seek medical diagnosis and treatment.

“Sex-pain runs on a continuum from very mild sensations to extreme levels, such as torture and mutilation. The pleasure of sex-pain is associated with the release of endorphins from the brain which cause feelings of euphoria and altered states of consciousness.

This is why several persons derive pleasure from inflicting physical or emotional pain on their partners during sexual intercourse”, So said Dr Little-White.

These persons may be classified as sadists and they may act out their role in a simple action like a bite on the neck, known as a ‘hickey’. Sadism goes to extremes and can end up being violent when sadists kill their victims after sex. Do you see yourself as a sadist in any shape or form?

Aggressive Response

It is believed that sadistic tendencies are inherent in humans and animals. In fact, sadism is linked to man’s aggressive response to defending himself throughout history in his role as hunter and fighter, as stated by Dr Heather Little-White Ph.D. a nutrition and lifestyle consultant.

Sex pain in a relationship is not normal

When a man captures a prey or enemy through inflecting pain, he feels a sense of power and enhanced self-esteem for emerging as the victor.

To counteract anger in everyday life, some men resort to dominating and humiliating their partners through beatings, body mutilation and rape.

They also inflict emotional pain through powerplay, verbal abuse, outbursts of rage with far-fetched accusations. Women, since the early nineteenth century, were given lashings by their men and were not expected to complain.

It was believed that if a wife objected to a lashing, she was disrespectful and rebellious and not loving her husband enough. Ironically, men who were expected to submit to their wives would be considered sick, said Dr Little-White.

Pleasure in Receiving Pain

On the other hand you have the Masochists, those persons who enjoy receiving pain during sexual intercourse.A man, for example, may insist that his partner bites his nipples hard during the sex act until he reaches orgasm. These women experience heightened sexual gratification if they are bitten or spanked during intercourse.

Then you have the combination of Sado-masochism, a mix of pleasure derived from giving and receiving sex-pain. This looms large in consensual sex where partners want to heighten sexual pleasure so they engage in pain giving and pain receiving activities. (Acts like rape, lust murder and body mutilation are not considered as a part of sado-masochistic sex play).

First Intercourse

Sex-pain has come to be associated with first time intercourse, especially if a woman’s partner fails to be gentle in removing her hymen.

To remove the thin sheath of skin covering the entrance to the vagina may cause a little sex-pain and bleeding, but the pain is usually short-lived and often forgotten in the heat of the moment.

Some men experience painful intercourse if there is involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles in a condition called vaginismus. They may occur if the woman is nervous of having sex for the first time or at other times, but it should not be considered to be permanent.

There is the tendency to think that the vagina is made too small to accommodate the penis, but the vagina is designed to expand during childbirth.

However, in a few instances, not all couples are perfectly matched in the area of anatomy, so painful sex will result. A man’s penis may be too large, too long or too fat to fit the woman’s vagina comfortably, Dr. Little-White noted.

However, the man’s skill as a lover can often help the woman accommodate the penis. According to an old saying, there are no frigid woman, only clumsy men.

Several men do not know where the clitoris is located and may treat it roughly and cause discomfort and tensing up. I once asked a group of men – what is the clitoris and where is it located – and I was shocked to know the few men who have any knowledge in that area, the same men boasting about sexual prowess. As a man do you know? If you don’t you need to find out quickly!