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… a mirror reflecting your own emotional intelligence …
Your emotional intelligence is reflected in your life around you every day
If you can learn to control WHAT you feel you are able to use your emotions to create your own success …
This is your subconscious ability to create positive outcomes in your relationships with others and with yourself, by being in control of how you respond to the world around you, emotionally intelligent.
Learn to control HOW you feel and experience the consequences of one of the most powerful human forces known … the very essence of successful human endeavour … emotional intelligence
“Anyone can become angry, that is easy
But to be angry with the right person
to the right degree
at the right time
for the right purpose
and in the right way
…..that is not easy”
This ability to understand your own emotions and those of people around you, is emotional intelligence. It enables you to modify your feelings and influence what happens in your world around you.
So … How is this important ??
Consider this ……
People with a high Intelligence Quotient are said to be bright, effective, successful … in many ways they have the edge … Bill Gates is bright Albert Einstein was bright.
Does a high Intelligence Quotient (being bright, having a high IQ) automatically equate with success and happiness … with emotional intelligence ??
NO it does not …
Someone who is ‘intellectually’ intelligent, may not necessarily cope with life’s emotional demands, and also have emotional intelligence. Having a good memory, being good at mathematics or science or having good problem solving abilities, does not mean you are capable of dealing with emotions, motivating yourself, being happy or having emotional intelligence.
Highly intelligent people may lack the social skills that are associated with high emotional intelligence.
Universities are full of highly qualified social dropouts. A mathematical genius may be unable to relate effectively to people socially, lacking emotional intelligence
So there must be another basis to this quest for happiness.
There is …
Why is it that Intellectual problems are more easily resolved when people are in a good mood?
This simple fact, the fact that what we feel has a huge influence what we think and do, is the basis of success and happiness.
This understanding of what we are feeling so we can better choose our emotional reactions ( emotional intelligence ) is as important as intellectual ability.
Responses lacking emotional intelligence are random responses from unprocessed, unidentified or suppressed feelings …
Emotional intelligence comes from responses which allow us to direct the effects of our response in a positive useful satisfying way by developing an awareness of what we are feeling …
This different type of intelligence is called Emotional Intelligence – it is the ability to understand your own feelings emotions and those of people around you.
All human emotion can be seen as shades of four cornerstone feelings …….
(this makes understanding emotional intelligence a lot easier)
|Mad – feelings of anger and rage|
|Glad - happiness, contentment, satisfaction|
|Sad – sadness, loss, depression, isolation, loneliness|
|Bad – guilt, regret, failure|
Feelings are very powerful. These feelings can bring us closer to the people around us or, if we express ourselves without emotional intelligence, we can hurt people, and push our loved ones away, and create barriers …
Work tirelessly at becoming emotionally intelligent.
Work at becoming the controlled emotional fire that provides warmth and light
not the one that destroys everything in its path.
The work that it takes to be in touch with your feelings is lifelong journey.
However, your journey to emotional intelligence has started – that’s why you are reading this …
Some of your emotional intelligence is inherited in your genes and depends on emotional traits in your family, your mother and father … Some of your emotional intelligence arises from your early childhood experiences – times when you were reprimanded unfairly, abused, undervalued
But huge amounts of emotional intelligence can be learned by you now – in the same way as you can get fit and healthy if you choose to do this …
Essential ingredients for your journey towards emotional intelligence include …….
|practice||the techniques may be uncomfortable initially, but with practice they become a natural set of responses|
|discipline||many of the processes are new, and may have the discomfort of being unfamiliar. Self discipline will be needed to see you through|
|honesty||the more you allow your true feelings to be exposed to yourself or those you love (you own your feelings), the more emotional intelligence you will gain|
You need to practice recognising your feelings and those in others. This takes discipline and perseverance – the more time you spend doing this the more you develop your emotional intelligence
You also need honesty and integrity – you need to stop hiding from your truth if you want progress towards emotional intelligence.
And the more you express emotional intelligence, the more the healing occurs
Check in with those you care for to see if what you think they are feeling, is really what they ARE feeling ?? Practise you emotional intelligence …
“So it sounds like you are a bit down about losing that sale …..” Be prepared for a few surprises. “So you are feeling good about that ….” “Gee, he really made you angry …..”
Also check in with yourself, with how you are feeling. Acknowledge your feelings, recognise them.
“Right now I am feeling sad about missing that opportunity to travel overseas” “ …. Angry about what he said”
The essence of being GLAD is feeling loved – it is the central need of this whole website. All intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual needs are funnelled through the need to feel and be loved.
The biggest cause of dissatisfaction and unhappiness is the absence of love. Emotional intelligence helps you to cope with this feeling of failure when you feel unloved.
The starting point of feeling loved is to learn to love yourself.
As you learn to love yourself more, you radiate your own talents and gifts to allow others to love you more. This cycle brings increasing positively to your life, including happiness and satisfaction. Then you can love yourself even more.
And with this comes an emotional intelligence to handle relationships comfortably.
This is why the world around you is like a mirror showing you just who you are and what you are like …
What you are feeling about the world, is what you are !
If you hate the world, and everybody irritates you, then you hate yourself and you irritate yourself by the way you live your life. Not exactly emotional intelligence I sure you will agree …
Make it easier to connect with your feelings by practising these simple activities …
|spend more time listening to others – try to hear the feelings behind what they are saying or doing, try to understand their feelings. Listening is the best way to get your point across. Listen as if your life depends on it. Use open ended question to develop your listening skills|
|physical exercise – it’s good to participate in sport regularly (running, yoga, squash, martial arts …..
A top academic once said to me “My most creative research always appears after a long run, when I feel relaxed, peaceful and in touch with my senses …”
|increase positive feedback to yourself and those around you – learn to switch off negatives and bath in positives. Increase your appreciation of yourself, others and your world around you. Dead people don’t have choices – you do
practice the skills of learned optimism
|listen to your gut – trust it and use it …..|
|work with a mentor or life coach – to improve your knowledge and awareness of your emotional self. Become aware what do you do to avoid facing what you feel?|
|turn mistakes into energy – mistakes become an opportunity, use the energy and the opportunity to learn|
|spiritual pursuits – read a challenging book about someone else’s emotional journey, meet with peaceful people, spend time alone with yourself …..|
|recognise your feelings – ask yourself at least 3 times a day whether you are feeling Mad, Glad, Sad or Bad. Do this especially whenever you experience a surge of emotion. It can be as important to work out what you are feeling as it is to know why you are feeling that way|
|be motivated to focus on an emotional goal – avoid the need for instant gratification we all feel and get used to|
Yet the world does not encourage emotional inquiries …. the world is not always tuned to emotional intelligence
“don’t worry” when we are sad, and
“what arrogance !” when we are happy
that makes us feel guilty – bad
we get angry – mad
Talking about our needs and emotions was seen by previous generations as uncomfortable, a sign of weakness. Emotional intelligence was not highly regarded …
But this is changing …. people are striving for the meaning that comes from being in touch with their feelings. In her book, The ten minute life coach, Fiona Harrold provides you with simple strategies to accelerate you towards your goals in just 10 minutes a day. Through self inquiry and practice people are learning that they control their own happiness, passion and success. They can positively direct the consequences of these feelings by developing emotional intelligence.
Connection to feelings is consistent predictor of personal and professional achievement – emotional intelligence is a key indicator of potential job performance.
This emotional connection, called emotional intelligence, determines how effectively you
…. engage people at your office, school or place of work
…. interact with people and their emotional needs
…. resolve conflict with others around you
makes those close to you
…your partner, your children, your family…
express exactly those