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1. A good man is a financially solvent man.
We are so sick of deadbeats and moochers! Men should be able to hold down some practical and profitable line of work, and then do something responsible with the money. Men are not housepets. Men are self-sustaining adults. Any man who tries to tell you otherwise is a deadbeat or a moocher. And any man who tries to tell you that it’s none of your business what he spends his money on is an addict or a gambler. If you’re considering dating him, he should also be good enough to consider marrying, and if you marry him, you’ll really need to know how much money he has and what it’s spent on.
2. A good man is a respectful man.
You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother. Respect, kindness, and consideration towards people other than you show you how he’ll behave when he’s not trying to impress you. If he ever puts you down, he’s a waste of your time. If he ever talks badly of other people, especially past girlfriends, that’s how he’ll talk about you when you’re not around. Respect is also shown in his actions. A man looking at women – partly that’s how they are wired. It can’t be eliminated completely. But a good man will be able to knock it off in favor of your company.
3. A good man is a clean man.
Sure, men can get dirty and greasy and smelly from time to time. Honestly, if they didn’t do the hard dirty jobs by choice, we would have to by default. But a good man takes a bath afterward, and even if he doesn’t care what he looks like in public, he should try to look nice when he’s in public with you. Also, a good man doesn’t leave his mess for you to clean up. A few socks are bound to end up on the floor, a few dishes may miss the sink, but serious crud – automotive grease, mud, or gym clothes, for example – are his responsibility, and he won’t try to foist it off on you.
4. A good man is a protective man.
Notice that does not say that a good man is a possessive man. You are your own person. No man has the right to try to own you. But in times of trouble, you want a man who can be relied upon. You don’t want him to say, “Well, good luck with that,” and leave. You want him to stick around and offer some assistance. The vast majority of good men out there long for someone to be a hero to. Seriously. Maybe not all the time, but occasionally it’s nice for him to be the guy who can change the tire, fix the toilet, and squish the spider. And it’s nice for a woman to be with the man who will step up to the challenge of an emergency instead of running around in a panic.
5. A good man is a trustworthy man.
Someone you can trust to always be on your side against all the people who are not, to do the right thing when you aren’t watching, to only make promises he can and will keep. If he is honest, he won’t give you any false accusations either. Dishonesty causes paranoia, and honesty maintains a healthy point of view. So if you go into a relationship and your man starts accusing you of cheating when you haven’t, get out now. You’ll never get his trust, and he’ll never be worth it.
How to Spot a Good Man – When It’s Worth Getting Involved
Sandra Brown’s How to Spot a Dangerous Man books and e-books show you how to fine-tune your internal warning system so that you’ll be able to avoid dating dangerous men. However, finding a good man to date can also be difficult. How do you know that a man is worth dating?
Your man needs to make you feel safe in each of these six areas before you consider dating him:
Physically: You don’t need to be stronger than he is – you just need to feel secure that he won’t use his physical strength against you. He needs to show that he wants to protect you, and to be gentle toward you. If he scares you or tries to dominate you, break off the relationship immediately, and don’t ever take him back, no matter what.
Emotionally: Your feelings are important. A good man isn’t going to tear you down, and if he accidentally does something to hurt your feelings, he won’t try to talk you out of being hurt or claim that there is something wrong with you. Insults and name-calling aren’t healthy in any relationship –they should be a huge red flag. If a serious talk doesn’t resolve this issue once and for all, leave.
Mentally: Good men don’t play mind games. He should be honest with you and not try to make you jealous, angry, or suspicious. A good man with a healthy sense of self-esteem never needs to test your love or loyalty. Never, ever put up with mind games or attempts to isolate you from your family and friends.
Financially: Your man doesn’t have to be rich, but he does have to be responsible with what he has. Gambling, stealing, or any kind of addiction will erode your trust in him quickly. Also, it’s a sad fact that most men’s income is more stable than women’s. Men are generally paid more and have a steadier work history, since men don’t usually leave the work force in order to take care of children. If you get married, you both need to be able to live on his income alone in case of an emergency or change in plans.
Spiritually: You and your man should have compatible beliefs, and he should respect your spirituality. A good man won’t try to squash your beliefs or force you to believe the way he does – rather he should be willing to discuss his beliefs with you in an adult, civilized way. Ideally you should be able to grow in your chosen faith together.
Socially: Your social life with this man is also important. If he cuts you off from your friends and family, or insists on being with you absolutely everywhere, he’s not good for you. Likewise, if he associates with rude and unpleasant people, the chances are greater that he’s more like them than he is the man you really want in your life. You don’t need to go places or be with people that you aren’t comfortable with, and you don’t need to devote all your spare time to him. If you get married, that’s the time to make him the highest priority in your life. But if you aren’t married to him, you need to be sure that your life isn’t entirely wrapped up in him or any other man.
Sexually: A good man will not pressure you to have sex, or put you in a compromising situation. And when you do reach that point in your relationship, he should remember that your pleasure and security is just as important as his. If you aren’t comfortable, you should be able to tell him so, and he should have the self-control to stop.
Don’t worry that you’re being too “picky” or that your standards are too high – the last thing you need is a man who doesn’t measure up. This checklist is the bare minimum you need in order to have a healthy relationship with someone. Anything less will lead to arguments over the same stuff, over and over again, until finally you split up. And then you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time in a dead-end relationship.
If you are safe with a man physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, spiritually, socially, and sexually, he’s a good man. If he isn’t married or engaged, and you are attracted to him, he’s worth dating. Do your homework, picture the man you want clearly in your mind, and you’ll be able to recognize him when he comes along.